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Jen
sweetcharade
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March 2011
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Jen [userpic]
"Nothing hurts when no one's real"

Random Monday short story....

" It was a bright and beautiful August morning as I rode the bus home. I had my head buried in a book, but the words had blurred, lost within my thoughts. I look up thinking I had heard my name when an old high school friend sat in front of me. It seemed she rattled on for hours, I smile and nod filtering out her nonsense. Relieved when she got off the bus I sat back once more.

My thoughts take up too much space as the cacophony in my head pulses and fades. I focus on the two most important men in my life, one who helped shape my teen to adult years. The one I lived with briefly, and the one who showed me something of value within myself. These men are never far from my mind, I see things every day that remind me of them. A curse I guess of living here. The cd I listen to reminds me of the Englishman, I remember the day he called and said "Listen!" as he sang along with Iris. My heart falls into my stomach as I see a blonde man in a gold Buick Regal, I know it isn't him, yet I still see him. Strange to think that after three years he still weighs heavy in both my mind and heart. An ocean apart fifty-one weeks out of the year, we managed to carry a flame for each other not even the great Atlantic could extinguish. My heart leaps as I pass the train tracks.

Funny, how I think of the train tracks as "our place" though I know you've never been here. A gateway to the comfort of your arms. I wonder if the one you're with will ever tame that wild heart, and if she does will I be saddened? A cold melancholy sweeps through me as memories drift through my mind, flashes from that first soul melting kiss to the ending that left me screaming on the floor of my friend's apartment. Over the weeks I pulled my strength around me, and though my voice broke I wouldn't let you hear me cry. Couldn't bear for you to think of me as weak or let you know just how much I was hurt. You knew it, no matter how hard I tried to conceal my own pain. You knew it because I knew that you were hurt too. Still we rambled on, strengthening a friendship as my tears began to dry.

The bus stop near my home looms ahead, yet I don't want to go. I'd rather sit on this bus and think. Thinking is usually what gets me in trouble, that or falling in love. I give myself away too easily, yet I know that the two times that nearly killed me, it was worth it. I have loved stronger and deeper than many people have, that knowledge gives me a small ammount of hope. Hope that maybe one day I can fall in love again and this time it will last.

As I sit on this bus, with my book in my hand, I long to touch you both. I want to wake up once more to an English sunrise, with his arms and warmth protecting me. I want to lay in front of a bonfire in your backyard, with the heat of the flames dancing across my skin. How can you both dominate my thoughts? The cacophony in my head pulses and fades as I enter my home and sit in the quiet listening to my heart beat against my chest."

Current Mood: listlesslistless
Current Music: Goo Goo Dolls-Hate This Place