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March 2011
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Jen [userpic]

One of the things I've always liked about being friends with golden_devil is he's always given me some sort of fire. When I'm pissed or frustrated he's there to fuel it and prod me until all the things I've been bottling up come spilling out of me in an explosion of anger and expletives. We went to BW3's last night, and then to Node where we played cards and talked with various people until 4:30am. It was very fun. 

When I was younger I wanted to be just like my big sister when I grew up. In some ways I am like her and in others I'm so completely different.  This is the most painful thing I've ever gone through, and it's something I don't like discussing, but now I think it has to be told. 

My sister has given birth to two children, Angela is 15 and Robert is 12. Her parenting skills weren't the greatest, but everyone does what they can right? Well lets flashback to August of 1995, right before I started sixth grade. Carrie took off with her boyfriend/fiance at the time and went up north. We hadn't heard anything of her until September or October. Robert had come down with pnuemonia, at not even two he had pnuemonia. One the way to taking him to the hosiptal she took Angela to her father's and just left her there. Needless to say the county stepped in, stripping my sister of all her parental rights.  

Robert was placed into foster care and eventually adopted and is living in Northwestern Wisconsin, Angela's paternal grandmother has full custody of her. I haven't seen Robert in nearly a decade and my mother and I saw Angela for her birthday about two years ago. Within the last two days, Robert's mother emailed Carrie and is trying to get a hold of her. Carrie being Carrie immediately starts freaking out wondering what's wrong with her son. Here's what pisses me off. She called him "her son", when she hasn't seen him since he was taken from her. She didn't raise him, didn't parent him, didn't do a damn thing to get either of them back. She turned her back on family, on blood. You don't do that EVER. I think she has absolutely no right to call herself a mother. I played with the kids when she was too busy on the phone or gone, I took care of them when they needed it. At twelve I was more of a mother to them than she was. Angela's first word was "cold", and I heard her say it, not Carrie.

I look at Konnor, and I can't understand how someone could do that. I would fight for that child, would go to hell and back for him. Every time I see him I watch him for hours, and I'm so thankful that Mike and Madi have let me be Auntie Jen/godmother/Mama Jen to that beautiful child. They gave me back what Carrie ripped from my heart. A child to love, a child to light up my life, a child to play with. Konnor is the child of my heart, and I hope that if I ever have kids I will never be like my sister. 

Now that I think about it, I'm glad I'm not like her.

Current Mood: irateirate
Current Music: Alice In Chains-Would