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March 2011
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Jen [userpic]
In a shitty mood........

So I began to take the breakup with Jay reasonably well til I heard that people around Node are assuming he and JayCee are a couple. Then the bitterness took over. Why exactly I don't know. I think it may be knowing that I could never be the right girl for him. heh I but his fucking mother's happy. And yes, I'm always like this after a breakup. I shouldn't be bitter though, Jay and I still get along.....things are going well in every other aspect of my life. Except for the shitty second job, which btw I will snap on them come this week. You don't fucking string someone along for almost a fucking month, letting the employee think they work there, and then don't put them on the fucking schedule. They can have their key back. I'm also changing metaphysically. I'm becoming more empathic, the voices in my head are becoming clearer, and I now see things in the shadows. Part of me wants to embrace these changes, part of me wants to run screaming into the night. My friend Glenn is a Cherokee shaman and he's guiding me through all of these changes. Once again I've found myself unable to deal with what's going on in my head, and I'm starting to distance myself from my friends. I don't want to do that, but I think it's something I need to do in order to deal with what's happening to me. Anyway. I'm in a shitty mood. So, I do what I always do. I wrote. I've started to assume that my Karmic destiny is to never be happy.... like ever. And that is meant to be the general theme of this particular piece.


I taste the sorrow and the pain,
Like the smell of rain,
As I sit and mourn
Pieces of me that are no more.

The dead spots in my soul,
Wither away and I'm no longer whole,
They rot
While the voices in my head plot.

The pain no longer hidden,
The love never given,
Tears apart
What's left of this black heart.

Karmic destiny unfolds,
Establishes itself, cold,
Leaves my tattered soul reeling.

I taste the salt of your tears,
As it confirms my fears,
I am not fit for you
Cannot give my heart to you.

I taste the blood,
As it soaks into the mud,
Life fleeing from my eyes
While my soul finally dies.

Current Mood: pessimisticpessimistic
Current Music: Paul McCartney-If You Wanna
Karma... in general

I was on Jeffie's message board and he also spoke of Karma as did I on my LJ.

Ain't it a bitch when it comes to collect ?

Re: Karma... in general

Yes, yes it's a bitch. A big fat hairy bitch that beats you with a 2x4 wrapped in barbed wire.

Re: Karma... in general

I gave up fighting Karma.... I gave up fighting in general. Heh, maybe thats what I am supposed to learn in this lifetime?...to just roll over, allow the rope to be tied to the ring in my nose, to be lead around? My apologies puddin'.... I can go have my won pity-party in my own LJ... don't need to bring you down....

Huggss & snoggss