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March 2011
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Jen [userpic]

Struggling to maintain two friendships is not easy. In fact it's quite straining. Everyday, it's as though Jay and I are drifting further apart, and we can't seem to repair the rift. After six years, it's as if we no longer understand each other. I watch him make bad judgment calls (at least I think they're bad), and vice versa. I get angrier and angrier with him, I haven't figured out why, and it's bothering the hell out of me. Maybe we're both changing. I feel like I'm losing my best friend, I cannot let that happen, and yet it's like there's nothing stopping this from happening. *sigh* My friendship with Jeff is having its moments of awkardness and complete joy, trying to tell my heart that we are just friends is extremely difficult. I cannot hide my concern, yet I have to, because I no longer have an impact on what he does. I now have to bite my tongue because I can't tell him those three words. It seems safer to converse with him via IM because then he can't hear the emotions in my voice (happiness, confusion, sadness, etc), but I'd rather be on the phone with him knowing that he can hear everything. I worry about him because I care, and it annoys the shit out of him, I can't turn it off, so I have to learn to keep my mouth shut or I run the risk of losing him entirely and that is not a thought I can entertain. *loses self in a sea of thoughtful confusion*

Current Mood: restlessrestless
Current Music: Candlebox-Blossom