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March 2011
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Jen [userpic]
Grey would be the colour if I had a heart-Nine Inch Nails

I'm getting fired. Me calling in sick on tuesday is being ruled a no call no show since I neglected to actually call Harmonie. I covered my shift though, so that is what's important. I feel like maybe I should care. I don't. That worries me a little bit, but I haven't been happy there since Kim left. So fuck it, I wasn't happy, gotta cut my losses. Surprisingly, my mother isn't pissed about it which makes me feel ok. I'm scheduled to work 12-5 tomorrow, but I'm just going to go in and sign the paperwork and then I'm leaving.
I'm not taking calls right now, if you get my machine I may actually be there, I just don't feel like talking to anyone.
Jay's worried sick about me. I'm retreating into myself, hiding behind the mask of old. I realised that Jay is my safety net, my security blanket. I subject him to too much of my bullshit, so now I'll just suffer. He doesn't understand what goes on in my head, but then again neither do I. I'm really fucked up right now. I've lost Jeff and my job. The past month has been absolute hell, and I feel myself slipping further and further into my darkness. I think I like it. It's comforting, familiar almost like the childhood teddy bear you couldn't throw out. I don't want to live, but I don't want to die, so instead I think I'll alienate myself. Jay says I'm too detached. I think he's right. I like being detatched, there's less chance of being hurt. It's so easy for me to stay here at the bottom, if I crawl out of my hole there's a chance of becoming attached to someone or something and getting shit on again. So tired of it. Fuck relationships. Fuck love with a rusty chainsaw. In the immortal words of high school: FUCK IT!

Current Mood: apathetictoo dead to care
Current Music: Alan Jackson-I'll Go On Loving You (heh)

"In the immortal words of high school: FUCK IT!"

Yes ma'am...yell it loud...and quit avoiding me...

I'm not avoiding you. I'm avoiding everyone but Jay, it's nothing personal, I just need to be alone